Hello Love, I’m waking up this morning in Southern California and beyond excited because today is my 34th Birthday! 33 was such a great year, but I’ve secretly been excited about…
I hope you are enjoying your summer and celebrating all that is!
Ever since my post in February about my bankruptcy in 2010, I have people contact me almost daily asking: When and how did the healing began after the bankruptcy and losing it all? What tools did you use and how?
It was a long string of events and many ‘tools’ that led to me healing, but one of the most important was 2 days after my 30th birthday that summer. The scene was Exhale yoga studio in Venice Beach, and I had just completed my morning session of yoga with my teacher, Shiva Rea, in one of her advanced practitioner retreats.
I was crying as I’d had a really tough practice – so many emotions, so much energy moving through me as I processed the past 6 months of losing everything I had, declaring bankruptcy, and turning the page onto a new decade. I was in the midst of a retreat that taught me the power of manifestation when our intentions are in alignment with what our soul is calling for- the first of such lessons I was to learn over the years. It was a gift to myself as I turned 30 and began to heal from all of the pain and anguish of the past several months – or maybe more like years.
It was a tough morning session, and I was ready to give up and be done with everything. I was in a big comparison trap of all of these other beautiful women who had it all together (or so I believed), were living epic lives, in great shape and glowing as the goddesses they were.
I ,on the other hand, felt everything BUT goddess-like.
I knew that when I returned home, I had to go back to the 4 part-time jobs I was holding down just to make ends meet. I knew that I only had $200 in my bank account that day, and I somehow had to drive my Jeep back to San Francisco soon. And I knew that when I returned, there was a possibility of a letter in the mail from the courts saying the bankruptcy was closed and final (there was, and it was dated exactly the day I am speaking of).
When I walked out of class, tears streaming down my face, a crowd had gathered in the lobby store around a woman selling jewelry. I heard gasps and excitement as the other women were admiring the beauty. I tried to get away knowing I ‘shouldn’t spend’ on myself at the time, but someone pulled me in to look. I noticed a blue ring, drawn into it’s power and potency- and right at that moment, the woman selling them looked me right in the eye and said “Yes, that one is for you”.
Woman – this was no ordinary woman.
She was stunning. She was the epitome of goddess, representing the type of woman I wanted to be. She had a wisdom about her that I was immediately drawn to, and was deathly afraid of in the same breath.
I responded “I can’t afford your beautiful pieces” and moved on.
I walked out in more tears, but about half a block away, I turned around. Something deep in me said that this was my chance to do things differently – that this was more than just a ring – this was a lesson I needed to learn- an Initiation into a new way of viewing money and transactions.
Of making decisions not based on want or to fill a hole in my life, but rather based on a gut feeling that something powerful would happen in the transaction, even if it was just buying a ‘pretty’ ring.
So, with the $200 I had left, I bought the $80 ring on full trust and surrender that it was the right thing to do. The shift wasn’t immediate, but for the first time in my life, I had bought something not because I just wanted something, but because the item had a power that I knew I needed in my life at the time. I had no idea what that power was, but I felt it the moment I placed the ring on my right ring finger, marrying myself in that moment with a work of art to seal the commitment- to myself, to others, to doing thing in a different way from that moment forward.
Over the years, I kept in touch with the artist- getting my ring fixed when I broke it once, buying gifts for friends and family and healing jewelry for myself when I shifted into new phases in my life. Her pieces are constantly around my neck or on my hand, each one with it’s own energy and power that I learned how to harness from her healing genius through jewelry over the years.
And still, it felt like more than the jewelry, more than the transactions, that were happening. There was some major healing happening.
A few months ago, the artist contacted me and said she felt she needed MY help this time. As we explored this, I came to realize that in just 4 short years, my life had completely transformed. I had stepped into my own forms of healing and that now, I had something to offer her.
And then I saw the magic of it all – the transformation that happened when I made that $80 purchase as a gift to myself for my 30th birthday:
I learned the power of deciphering when my soul wants to make an investment vs when my ego does.
And that every time I invest in myself from this soul knowing place instead of an ego place, my life is blessed with SO much more than the object or program or coach that I invest in. My life is blessed with knowledge and magic and abundance beyond the amount of the transaction in ways that are often immeasurable.
Because you see, that $80 investment from my soul-knowing?
It led me to a great friend, a ring I wear proudly as an extension of me. It led to explorations of other healing modalities, and gifts for friends that they cherish. And it led to this amazing woman – the goddess embodied that intimidated me all those years ago – trusting me enough with her own healing that she’s in my Embody program on her own Heroine’s Odyssey.
I’ve been teaching lately that abundance has nothing to do with the amount of money in the bank or the things you’ve ‘acquired’ but rather is all about surrendering to one notion: that you will always be given exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. And with that, you will always, always, have enough.
And when you know this in your heart, then leaps of faith – no matter how big or how small – seem so much more possible and real then ever before.
When I shared my account of our story with this amazing goddess of a jewelry designer, she wanted me to share it with all of you and offer something to you as a gift.
Visit her beautiful site at: http://www.veronicarosejewelry.com/. If your soul connects with a piece of jewelry, celebrate with 25% off with the code AUGUSTROCKS.
And if you are ready to dive deeper into your own healing around money, abundance, your calling, or more, I have opened up my Open Deep Dive Sessions again to those who have been hearing The Call. You can learn more and sign up here.
And the actual ring? Well there you can see it on my right hand in the picture below, right where it always resides during my waking hours – reminding me of what can happen when I get out of my excuses, rewrite the ‘stories’ and open my heart to my soul’s callings.
Perhaps one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself.
Have you ever made an investment that led to things way beyond what you expected? Have you ever made a decision based on a soul knowing, even if rationally you had no idea how you would pay for it or what it was leading you to? What transpired? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the blog!
In Liberation and Celebration,